In Passing

(to my friend Brian who passed in June 2006)

Okay it is not in my nature to write anything about anybody other then myself but I feel compelled to write about the passing of two famous people. One who was very famous the other to be overshadow by this goliath of a mega-super star. One who made billions, and was constantly locked in his own house, virtually a prisoner of himself. How incredibly sad-so much he could have taught us in life but now lessons only to be learned in his death. The other-will only be remembered by a few-those perhaps closest to her and by a few others. She also had so much to show us- how to be graceful even when facing the inevitable, which we all have to do. How do we wish the world to see us and how do we leave our imprints not only to those closest to us but upon the world? These two amazing beings perhaps leaving before their time can at least show me how I choose to walk in the world.Maybe it's to early and the coffee hasn't settled in but I do think Farrah for all of her outer beauty showed us that the true measure of beauty comes from the inside. I was watching the Barbara Walters special last night and what her friends and loved ones were sharing actually moved me to tears...what I could gather was this-that fear is often our biggest advisory, that for some if not most of us we are controlled by our fears-truly never letting go but rather letting our lives being dictated by fear and leading us in directions not true to who we are. Farrah said at one point what is the worse thing that could happen? We fail...so what, we pick ourselves up and start again. Micheal of course proved to us what happens when we are so unhappy with who we are on the inside that we will go to any length to change the outside to make the insides feel better. But in the end he too was controlled by his own inner demons ended up a prisoner in his own self created delusional playground. This too has been true of me. The stories of my own hellish upbringing ringed close to home listening to interviews done of Micheal last night. I too strive sometimes to change my outside apperance- as I still sometimes think if I only work out harder or tan more , or make more money or I could fill in the blank with what kind of external happiness would just make me feel better on the inside. And at the end of the night when I lay in bed alone how do I look back upon my day. Do I want it to look like I faced my fears and walked confidently in the world or do I continue always doing what I have always done -which is to let my life be ruled by my own internal fears looking outside of myself orto other people or things for the internal fix.