Ah~Ha Moment 3

For what it's worth I believe in all sense of the word love, thereby I believe that's what led me to ah~ha number 3. So I sat with a good friend of mine yesterday watching her go through what were her trials and tribulations that we all must experience in their various lessons. Although our lessons are as different as we are, we operate as my gracious friend reminded out of two places and two places only. Love or fear. Now this is nothing new on me for I have heard this from numerous friends, sponsors, loved ones over the last million years, but as we know no matter how many times we hear it with our ears we never get it if we don't listen with our hearts. Through a course of conversations with this beautiful soul I revealed what I believe those closest to me already know and what I also know -is that I am full of fear. Fear of not being enough, having enough, good enough,hot enough,caring...loving...I can fill in the blank with so many not enoughs. And I realized that it manifests in my life as that constant insecurity of asking for constant reassurance from my loved ones and anyone willing enough to listen to the bullshit long enough to answer half ass truthfully. If the answer is yes to all of those above questions,if I can't answer them myself to my own content how can I possibley expect anyone to step up to the plate and give to me what I can't or won't even give myself. Perhaps listening yesterday with that open heart as opposed to an open mind led me to that ah~ha moment driving 60mph on 405 s thinking life does not come with a road map or a tom-tom (or what I refer to in my own twisted mind-a zigzig...)or even a manuel or starter directions. I believe that we get to experience opportunities to continue writing our own map. Perhaps having that realization driving 60 mph was almost enough to slam on the brakes in the middle of the freeway. It was hard not to cry as I resisted that urge to slam on the brakes-but what I felt and knew to be true in my heart was this. If we truly operate out of 2 places that being love or fear then surely as it was true that I operate (and not so comfortably anymore) in fear then what was the connection. And what I heard in and with all of my heart was this...if ego is fear masqueraded then if the opposite of fear is love then what is love. Seemingly simple the answer is source. Whatever I choose to call that source be it God,Buddha,higher power...again fill in the blank. But whatever was in the blank is truly love. Perhaps this is what I understood the most- If fear/ego is always afraid of not having,being good enough then you are never going to be____ enough,have enough_____ and will always want more and more only never to be be satisfied. However let go of fear/ego and connect with love & source then I will always be_____ enough, have enough_____ and I am thinking if this line of thinking is true to love and source then you will have,be... exceed everything you thought possible or even dreamed possible.And I am willing to try that after all what do I have to lose-my ego???