"Am I willing to Pass up Something Good for Something Great"
I posted this question the other day on Facebook in hopes that someone would share with me they're experience' to tell me I am not the only one who does this. Some would say, what is wrong with good? I say there is nothing wrong with good, but why am I so afraid of what is great? I have like so many others been comfortable in the "Good". Only to look back and wonder why I have always been so willing to settle for less then what I wanted or desired? I sat in the quiet darkness this morning after being unable to sleep, listening to the quiet, that only the darkness can offer. I asked the Divine Spirit that very question. I had someone tell me sometime ago that I deserved to be the prize, so again I asked the Divine Spirit what was that suppose to look like. I could her hear her laugh gently at me, saying so quietly with a voice you can only hear with your heart, if you could only see what I see. So I sat quietly with that for a moment, stepping outside of myself to try and see what the Divine Spirit was seeing in me at that moment. What did I see? I saw an imperfect and sometime fragile, sometimes strong woman, who fears her own greatness...who has for whatever reasons, whatever lessons were presented choose to go for safe, rather then taking a risk...always settling for the "good" because it has always been safe, rather the the great...the great would mean taking a risk in believing the words I chant on my prayer beads every morning...I am love...I am worthy...I am kind...and to believe that I am meant to do great things with my life. I was asked the other day what it looked like to completely surrender to the Divine Spirit's will for me and I said I didn't know. I was told that I would know when it happened...and I feel that in the quiet this morning I felt that light of surrender...everything I have done in my life has lead me to this moment of surrendering. I had a friend email me this morning two simple words and they were "No Fear". I wanted to ask her what did that look like to her? Instead I turned the question inward and the answer I heard was by being true to myself, accepting that everything is exactly how it is suppose to be at this moment, and to surrender to what lies within me. The truth is sometimes I am a lost little girl stuck in the middle, of wanting that which brings physical comfort, for what is wrong with that? And that of taking the plunge into the depths of spiritual awareness and consciousnesses. What does that mean? I heard the term contrary action the other day and it reminded me of a friend who many years ago tell me to do contrary action. Contrary action meaning to do the exact opposite of what I was thinking. I want on the surface what everyone else wants. Ignorance is bliss, and consciousnesses is a bitch. It means on a spiritual level doing the right thing. Which is to come from the heart. I do get scared, I don't want to fall down, I don't want to get hurt, I want to know that it is all going to turn out great in the end and mostly I want what I want and I want it when I want it. I have always thought my timeline was better then the Divine Spirit's timeline. I don't always want to do the right thing and that it's okay, but now days most of the time I do. I am by no means perfect in anyway, shape or form. But it's by seeing my imperfections, by realizing that because I am willing to continue to trust the path I have been awakened to, that by accepting this truth about myself, that perhaps this is the key to willingness~ to admit my fear and to walk through it anyway. That which I want at the end of the day on a deeper sometime unconscious level is what everybody wants, which is to know that I loved the best I could with all of who I am and what I have and to know that I was loved, if only by me...to know I am worthy of not only the Divine Spirit's love and plans for me, but to also know that the Divine Spirit dwells in me as me. My same friend in a separate conversation said to me Life is rarely Simple. After sitting quietly this morning I would say to her, I don't think that's true...I think life is simple, it is I that complicates it by getting in the way of what the Divine Spirit wants for me...If I truly could get out of my own way and surrender and believe that which is true in my heart...then and only then will I stand in the light of my own greatness and know that I can pass up something good, for something great...
I posted this question the other day on Facebook in hopes that someone would share with me they're experience' to tell me I am not the only one who does this. Some would say, what is wrong with good? I say there is nothing wrong with good, but why am I so afraid of what is great? I have like so many others been comfortable in the "Good". Only to look back and wonder why I have always been so willing to settle for less then what I wanted or desired? I sat in the quiet darkness this morning after being unable to sleep, listening to the quiet, that only the darkness can offer. I asked the Divine Spirit that very question. I had someone tell me sometime ago that I deserved to be the prize, so again I asked the Divine Spirit what was that suppose to look like. I could her hear her laugh gently at me, saying so quietly with a voice you can only hear with your heart, if you could only see what I see. So I sat quietly with that for a moment, stepping outside of myself to try and see what the Divine Spirit was seeing in me at that moment. What did I see? I saw an imperfect and sometime fragile, sometimes strong woman, who fears her own greatness...who has for whatever reasons, whatever lessons were presented choose to go for safe, rather then taking a risk...always settling for the "good" because it has always been safe, rather the the great...the great would mean taking a risk in believing the words I chant on my prayer beads every morning...I am love...I am worthy...I am kind...and to believe that I am meant to do great things with my life. I was asked the other day what it looked like to completely surrender to the Divine Spirit's will for me and I said I didn't know. I was told that I would know when it happened...and I feel that in the quiet this morning I felt that light of surrender...everything I have done in my life has lead me to this moment of surrendering. I had a friend email me this morning two simple words and they were "No Fear". I wanted to ask her what did that look like to her? Instead I turned the question inward and the answer I heard was by being true to myself, accepting that everything is exactly how it is suppose to be at this moment, and to surrender to what lies within me. The truth is sometimes I am a lost little girl stuck in the middle, of wanting that which brings physical comfort, for what is wrong with that? And that of taking the plunge into the depths of spiritual awareness and consciousnesses. What does that mean? I heard the term contrary action the other day and it reminded me of a friend who many years ago tell me to do contrary action. Contrary action meaning to do the exact opposite of what I was thinking. I want on the surface what everyone else wants. Ignorance is bliss, and consciousnesses is a bitch. It means on a spiritual level doing the right thing. Which is to come from the heart. I do get scared, I don't want to fall down, I don't want to get hurt, I want to know that it is all going to turn out great in the end and mostly I want what I want and I want it when I want it. I have always thought my timeline was better then the Divine Spirit's timeline. I don't always want to do the right thing and that it's okay, but now days most of the time I do. I am by no means perfect in anyway, shape or form. But it's by seeing my imperfections, by realizing that because I am willing to continue to trust the path I have been awakened to, that by accepting this truth about myself, that perhaps this is the key to willingness~ to admit my fear and to walk through it anyway. That which I want at the end of the day on a deeper sometime unconscious level is what everybody wants, which is to know that I loved the best I could with all of who I am and what I have and to know that I was loved, if only by me...to know I am worthy of not only the Divine Spirit's love and plans for me, but to also know that the Divine Spirit dwells in me as me. My same friend in a separate conversation said to me Life is rarely Simple. After sitting quietly this morning I would say to her, I don't think that's true...I think life is simple, it is I that complicates it by getting in the way of what the Divine Spirit wants for me...If I truly could get out of my own way and surrender and believe that which is true in my heart...then and only then will I stand in the light of my own greatness and know that I can pass up something good, for something great...
