Not to long ago, this was a fair representation of of my life. Just a blank chalk board , no chalk anywhere, not an eraser, to be seen. Just a dusty, written on, erased, written on and erased, again and again and again, using every last piece of chalk in creating this life that I had . I have seen new chalkboards so clean and pristine in their boxes, but I never remember mine looking that way. As far back as I could see, mine always looked like this. Layers of chalky dust covering up the board. I guess I could have continued that path of rewriting my story over and over. I am not sure when this all started to change- maybe it was the night of grace, in which my soul choke on all the dust, fighting for a breath of air, fighting for one more chance, one more day to experience what I was experiencing in all my pain and suffering. As I grew more comfortable with this blank board, it started to rewrite itself, not so much this time with writing, erasing and re-writing. Slowly it started to take shape, transforming itself to looking like this.
One day I started to wake up, and saw that on my chalkboard was a fair representation, of where I had come to. I didn't even know I had a comfort zone. But I knew and I could see, what laid beyond me. Somehow it seemed impossible to me. But willingness on a soul level, will propel you to always move in the right direction, regardless of what I am doing, by proxy of continuing to show up, my comfort zone started to grow, become bigger. Although still running on self will and self-centeredness, I didn't realize in those times where I was so uncomfortable, in all actuality I was changing. And then one day self-realization started to unfold itself. I'm not sure what day that happened, but
what I did realize was that suddenly I was no longer standing still where I once stood so lost. As I stood on opposite side I could look and see, for the first time how limited was my thinking was. How convoluted my thinking was as soon as I imposed self limiting thoughts on myself, my higher power and the world at large. Why was I limiting where the magic was happening. Here I had turned over most of my life to Higher Power, of which I had no understanding of, and when I wasn't so busy trying to control or manipulate my higher power, my life seemed to take on a magic of it's own. Like showing up for the 4th of July and laying back on the grass, enjoying the show. Really? Could life really be so simple? Just show up, do what was in front of me and get out of the way. Yes!!! Now if I could just do that all the time. But being the imperfect human being that I was trying so hard not to be, would often block the show, much like cloud cover in July. So the question then became, once you start down the path of self-realization how do continue forth, when the state of ignorance, constantly beckons you back? How does one see that magic, much like life has no containment. That bliss is a state onto itself. One practices showing up for life as aware as they can be. As mindful and as conscious as you know. Only when I am showing up in this state can I become aware of unlimited bliss and joy, where magic is the constant and where each moment is the best moment possible.
